epilogue:

from journal entry, 10:14 p.m., June 16th '08

"Where to begin? 'Landslide' it is. I will miss her more than I can articulate; I love her more than I could ever explain. But even if she did love me, it would be selfish to expect someone so.. just in general in their own right to live as part of what I hope to become. But I will miss her, yes, so much. I do genuinely believe that certain souls are fundamentally connected, and that this severance is so painful because of that bond, which will probably take far longer to untie than our lives will, possibly longer even than our lives themselves will take to pass. I can only hope that I am mistaken in this belief as I have been with many before..."

"London Morning", 3:17 a.m., June 30th '08

She's here again in London, the sleepless sun-rising in her throat,
to greet the lump of realization which will either stay or go
that perhaps among it all she fell asleep or lost her mind,
and one day maybe she'll wake with horror at what she finds;

'cause maybe she was wrong about it, maybe she was right,
and one means she's been alone all along.
Maybe all she's strolled away from wasn't worth the fight,
but maybe it would've been were she strong.

She doesn't want to spend more time is funny on wasted attempts,
but still, she doesn't know if it's inexhaustible 'till it's empty,
& who are we to say that she's walked away from the one?
Hell, who are we each London morning to expect the sun?

M.L.A.S.A.

the prophecy

I cried until my body ached,
tried to expel contents it didn't hold,
and put stars in my eyes,
then turned them solid cold.

I sobbed until my soul, broken inside me,
was released.

We

Intoxicated by the vine of
our entwining minds,
we travel, and together share
the joy and life each finds.

If

If I were more of a woman,
if I were more of a man,
if I were more undecided,
if I had more of a plan?

Would you love me?
Would you have me?
Would you never let me go?

Say, I'll do it, for I love you,
for I love you, love you so.

Man

I envied you today,
but not as I expressed;
I envied not your luck of mind,
instead, in fact, your chest
was what I envied you, so firm,
while mine hangs full of breast,
and that's not all I envied you,
I'll let you know the rest:

I envied green the slim green shadows
of your veins, under thin skin,
streaming so surely to'ards efficient
muscles, feeding them therein,
which, in their turn, could feed the mouths
of your wholesome, blood-bred children,
which nature hands you, nonchalant,
while mine, so kind, yet less than kin;

I envied weak your strength of birth,
your privileged position, ran
through in my head what crime, what
reason, rhyme, in me, born as I am,
and your God-given right to love,
contentment, family, life, canned
simplicity, for you are man,
for you are man, for you are man.

For Now

For now, I pointedly drop my necklace
under my shirt to sit over my heart,
out of view.

For now, I hold onto your gaze sometimes
as I shouldn't, holding strong but part wrong
onto you.

To the part which, for now, is as close as
I'll find to a part of your soul I can
hold as mine.

For, for now, and perhaps for this life, all
I hold in my heart must be held back, forced
to false "fine".

contemplations

It's so much more powerful,
and yet more sedate,
than you ever expected or thought.

As though what you thought was love,
was in fact rain,
and Love itself is actually the Ocean.