pin

Everything is in my heels.
Like someone came in the night
and slid all of the things that are usually
"on my shoulders",
the weight of the world,
into my shoes.
The weight of my world is in my heels,
meaning I can't walk at my usual speed..
then again,
how fast can you really walk
when you don't know where you're headed?


Sorry, that's all I've got.

Not much for a pro is it? Never mind,
'cause failure clearly is an option,
or hobby or something.
Which this can't be anymore,
'cause I may not want to nourish myself
right now, but at some point
I'll need to.

I can do this
I am strong
I am big
I just need to
get it out of my heels and

onto a page
or a line
onto a stage.

Just a stage

of transition,

I'm just in shock,

I'm sure fruition
is around the corner,
I just need more time.
And lighter, stronger heels.


I'm just so fragile,

the spaces between my own lines shake me,
the lines that used to make me
now feel bad, feel out to break me,

my lines are woven, strung up,
waiting for my neck,
my life,
dead or alive?

Line of my life, or noose?
Fight, or flight?


Here I begin.

Brave face for a stranger,
& a dropped pin.

some little things that appear sometimes..

"nec spe, nec metu,
corpus sine pectore,
all I want, you never knew,
been strange not speaking to you."

"tonight all i'm wanting to do
is fall asleep and dream of you
and all i'm wanting you to do
is think about you too.
tonight i want me to be
part of what you want life to be
all i want, selfishly, is for
what you want to be.. me."

"I've noticed a small light hiding nearby,
quietly beautiful, and way up high.
Here's hoping that's a star and not a plane,
so it'll stay, not drift away again."

"Don't think that I'm not thinking about
what I'll leave behind.
Please don't believe I wanna leave
to get away from this
family or this home, 'cause just the thought
makes me feel blind.
But there's this pull in me to work
through survival to bliss."

"lines attempting to dispel her underestimation"

I dreamt about our wedding,
about blue lines on sticks
and it's ridiculous, I know,

but in my mind you're irreplaceable,
you should know.

So It Seems

Her head is on my shoulder,
I turn my face to face her,
I feel her heart beat faster,
I tell her that I love her.

And the weeks go flying past,
yet there’s not a week to pass
when she can stop herself from coming here
and visiting me in my dreams,
so it seems…

that her head is full of questions.
and the pressure of the blood hums
as it rushes there, the tap runs,
leading water where there’s no sun.

Out her window, seeping by,
hunks of metal somehow fly,
and her longing to be up there
makes her want to scream or cry, or seem or try,
or so it seems.

So I watch as they come and go,
smiling quietly, ‘cause I know
that the more she tries to let go
and forget me, the more it grows.

And I think I feel her breath
softly resting on my neck,
as I step inside her head and find my name
etched into walls, stitched across seams,
well, so it seems.

Forever ago, we were here;
your heartbeat was all I could hear,
and we came so close, got so near,
that I could whisper in your ear,
but too soon, it seemed, all too clear,
lost by my weakness, by your fear,
and the pain of you, it still sears
through my head, my dreams, as the years
visit me, and keep us both here,
tied by tears, falling forming streams,
or so it seems…